now browsing by month
Dr. Rachelle Vaughan is a pastoral counselor and pastoral consultant. She is a new member of the qualified and approved ProvenTherapists team providing online counseling and psychotherapy services for mental health and relationship problems.
Press Release: Dr. Vaughan provides counseling services to those desiring a deeper relationship with God and those needing answers to life problems encountered along the Christian journey.
Dr. Vaughan is the founder of Manifesting Destiny: A Ministry of Deliverance and Inner Healing and its social media sister ministry Restoring Your Faith. She has provided over 2000+ hours of face to face counseling in therapeutic settings for individuals, couples, and families. Dr. Vaughan also provides pastoral consultant services to pastors, churches, and ministry leaders. She is the author of two published works “Will You Still Say Yes?” and “Manifesting Destiny: Releasing the Power that Lies Within”. She has earned a Doctor of Education in Pastoral Community Counseling, a Master of Arts in Clinical Psychology, a Bachelor of Science in Psychology and a Minor in Sociology.
Based upon her master level training in clinical psychology, Dr. Vaughan uses the techniques of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Psychodynamic Therapy orientations to conceptualize her client’s distress and craft paths toward healing. Dr. Vaughan also uses biblical scripture as a method of uncovering areas for healing and spiritual growth.
Dr. Vaughan is gifted in being able to understand her client’s plight on a deeper level, while simultaneously following the guidance of the Holy Spirit in helping her client receive relief from stress, worry, anxiety, and fear. Dr. Vaughan’s skill of empathic listening, encouragement, and spiritual guidance is relied upon daily by supporters of her international ministry Manifesting Destiny.
Dr. Vaughan desires to see her clients become whole mentally, emotionally, and spiritually through the online counseling portal https://www.proventherapy.com. With the Holy Spirit as her guide, Dr. Vaughan exercises her prophetic and counseling gifts by helping pastors, congregations, and individual Christians experience Christ’s promise of abundant life through the integration of scripture and secular counseling techniques.
Could a Person in Active Addiction Love His/Her Partner the Way They Expect and Deserved to Be Loved?
Addictions!!! Addictions everywhere, to various drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, sex, various harmful behaviors… just about anything that would product a quick HIGH to only leave the user wanting more, needing more and using/doing more! Addictions plague our lives, some in the open, some hidden under the mountains of lies and pretense.
Addictions run in my family and my husband’s, or to tell the truth, my ex-husband’s, who two years after our separation killed himself. Why? It is hard to tell, because suicide is a complex matter, and the ways depend on each person and not what those around do, or do not do.
When I first met my husband of almost 20 years, I knew he was smoking weed, I suspected he was using other, more potent drugs, but in my innocent mind, believed I was going to CHANGE HIM!!! Stop the addictions because they were bad for him and I was so skilled in showing him the “healthy” path, he would just turn away from addictions and follow my lead to a long, happy life. To put it plainly, I thought I could control the bad… I overestimated the evil…
At the beginning, it worked. One by one, he quit all the damaging substances. Later, I realized that perhaps, at the beginning, the needed “high” was coming from the novelty of the situation, from a new sexual relationship and a new life that came with it: a home, children the admiration of those who thought he was “hopeless…”
Temporary!!! Yes, it was all temporary!
Unless an addicted person wants himself or herself to CHANGE!!! other people’s efforts are useless!
I don’t mean to “deflate” anyone, but YOU CANNOT CHANGE ANYONE PERMANENTLY!!! A PERSON MUST WANT TO CHANGE HIMSELF OR HERSELF!!! Changing others is not possible. We only have control over ourselves and our attitude and what we do with our lives.
So… could a person in active addiction or forced to quit LOVE YOU?
My experience? May be in the beginning, when you are the new high, the novelty. But is this love or lust? Is it deep and lasting? Is it trustworthy?
In a few years, if the person was forced to quit because of YOU, it may turn to resentment, fear and ultimately lies, when your addicted partner starts hiding from you the fact that they went back to their first love: the bottle, weed, cocaine, gambling, sexual encounters with no strings attached… you might not even know! I didn’t. For years I thought his sudden sweats where the result of a mysterious health condition and our lack of money, the result of a bad economy! Until one day, when I received a letter from the IRS and I looked through our finances to find tens of checks written to cash… $5,000 each. And that was the day when I was pushed from the top of the tower of blind trust into the dark waters of fear and mistrust! The addictions won over our lives, our children, my love and trust. I was powerless and humbled.
Do they love YOU, the children you conceived together? The answer, as I experienced it, is, may be, but are they able to EXPRESS their love for you, their children? The love for the “addiction” comes FIRST!!! You and your family compete with the addictions! Everything is done to cover the truth: lies, financial deceit, promises, lies again…
The only path I know of, which leads to a good like, is the person’s own will and decision to change. God gave us FREE WILL and CHOICES and CONSEQUENCES. Each person is only responsible and may only make theirs.
I humbly must admit that no one could “save” or “change” anyone else, unless they want to. A partner may support, encourage and be with someone who, on his/her own wants a change.
Control over others is a myth! Control over our own attitudes, is the truth!
Rodica Mihalis is a Privileged ProvenTherapist, an author, and blogger. Contact her for a counseling appointment.
Relationships are vital to the human experience. Relationships and the way a person perceives a relationship should be starting at the moment the person is born. The attachment of a child to his/her parent(s) will be a model for relationships with friends, intimate partners, roommates, bosses, etc. Romantic relationships and marriages seem to be the most prevalent among patients seen in online therapy. Communication is one of the most important aspects of a relationship including how we talk to each other, what we say, when we say it, and what we really are trying to say. It seems most people in a troubled relationship believe they know how the other person thinks and act upon these false perceptions. In marriage and family therapy arguing in a troubled relationship becomes a pathological pattern of coping with anger, resentment, hurt, jealousy, and is called the “dance”. Couples argue for the sake of arguing. They bring past mistakes the other person made and use them as a weapon to gain ground or power against their foe. If you do this you are hurting you, the other and the entire relationship.
The key to healthy communication is being humble and honest with one another, forgiving one another and not holding those mistakes against the other person. In an argument timeouts are a very easy and successful avenues of allowing each other to calm down and thinking with logical thought versus thinking with pure emotions. Decisions should NEVER be made when highly emotional, logical thought is minimized and instant gratification is sought when emotions are at their peek. The divorce rate in the United States is around 50% and divorce is proven over and over again to have ill effects on each partner and the children. Living together before marriage has been found to be the number one variable in predicting divorce. Commitment is diminished when a couple goes from living separate to living together and then getting married. The commitment and feeling of being married has been spoiled by living together and the sanctity and fortitude marriage is supposed to bring decreases and makes divorce an easy escape. People are disillusioned and somewhat delusional when they believe living together will help them make a more informed decision about getting married.
In any relationship there are bound to be times when the other person does certain behaviors which negatively have an impact on the relationship. It is not good to “suppress” negative feelings towards someone as they always come out in an uncontrolled and pathological way. There are also times when you will have to decide “Is this worth bringing up or is the problem actually me”. There is nothing wrong with doing a quick “check-in” with the person you are in a relationship with. While it might be uncomfortable to ask “Is there anything I am doing or saying that bothers you?” but for the health of you and your relationship this helps avoid blowups and arguments that severely damage the relationship. Yelling in an argument, name calling, talking down to someone, or demeaning someone all equal different ways of verbal and emotional abuse. Neglecting a partner and putting yourself first is a sure fire way to create problems in the relationship. Loving someone means serving each other and communicating with a balance of grace and justice. It is also important to work together as a team to develop boundaries in your relationship. This helps increase the quality and strength of the relationship when working together towards the same goal. This article is just a snippet to help aid people in their everyday relationships but simple, small things, the way we talk to each other, the validation of each other, a text message, doing something without being asked can make the difference between joy or pain.
It is not too late to save your relationship or marriage… Talk to an online counselor now!