Anger? When does it create a problem?
Anger is a very strong emotion. We sometimes share anger to show what we are experiencing in the moment, how hurt we are, and the degree to which we are flustered by our experiences. When we are open to examining our anger, we can begin to positively enter self-exploring and discovery. However, anger becomes more a problem when we chose to create barriers that block us from open and genuine communication.
Among a few of the internal defenses that might be used to express anger are: (1) Nagging, (2) Excessive accusations, (3) Gossiping, (4) Blaming, (5) Justifying and (6) Displaying a passive role to avoid accepting responsibility for the anger.
Anger can be expressed both directly or indirectly to intentionally hurt others. Normally guilt, anxiety, hurt and insecurities can be accompanied by anger. When experiencing these distinct range of emotions, we generally look at the intensity of the anger and thereby, react to the pressure. A healthier way of adjusting to our anger may be to say “I am feeling overwhelmed or may be anxious” rather than acting out verbally or physically.
Many cognitive psychologists have suggested that anger can be accounted for by how we process events and reflect on them personally. “I am angry because of the way I perceive or see things occurring” is one thought pattern that might explain what we are experiencing in a given situation. The goal of cognitive therapy is to assist with tackling the faulty belief system we have, assumed interpretations reflecting the world around us, and how to ultimately reach a point of healthier reflective thinking. In identifying anger, it is not only significant to analyze what we are going through, but the degree to which we are affecting others. Sometimes a person does not experience issues from our vantage point and this needs to be better understood and sorted out so that we can reach a successful chain of interaction.
Professional counselors have suggested a few tactics to appropriately manage anger. They may be as follow:
- Separating ourselves from situations that we are faced with
- Relaxing and taking deep breaths
- Taking silent pauses in speech, along with pauses that focus on the anxiety provoking situation
- Reflective thinking, and
- Visual imagery.
In addition to these coping strategies, spiritual and emotional support are two critical attributes that contribute to the longevity of positive encounters. When anger is too harsh to unravel and “let go”, it is recommended for one to seek out guidance from a trained professional who can really hear the issue at hand and put them into perspective for you.