Sharanya Dinesh

now browsing by tag

 
 

Address Your Insecurity Feelings

Dr. Sharanya Dinesh

Approved ProvenTherapist and Clinical Psychologist

Sharanya Dinesh - Approved ProvenTherapistIt is usually our own inhibitions; insecurities and a pre conceived image of the self which makes us feel shy, leading to insecurity. A weakness or fear which sets in a feeling of imperfection, causing a dint to the ego or self-image results in insecurity. This self- image makes us vulnerable and we resist or shy away from other situations and people alike. People, especially the youth, go through this phase of insecurity when their ideal- self image clashes with the real-life self or when they experience disappointment too often and too recurring for them to overcome the negative situation. This youth withdraws into a shell and becomes shy or some tend to bury the disappointment with a show of aggression and bullying.

Most of the times, it is either the emotional self or the physical self which causes insecurity. Insecurity pulls down our confidence and self esteem takes a beating. Finding out what the core issue is which is causing the insecurity; it could be physical appearance like complexion, voice or lack of enough money, whatever may be the reason, the beginning to recovery will only come if we pin point the reason which brings in the insecure feeling. Insecurity also creeps in if the person is too set or rigid, inflexible with the way he/she wants to be, look or behave. In real life though, not all goes as planned and the obstinate person invariably faces disappointment and it becomes incredibly difficult to accept oneself; to face reality. Getting rid of this insecurity is many times difficult because acknowledgment comes after a very long time and insecurity being such a personal thing to each one of us; it is tougher to get rid of it. Most of us usually succumb to it, only the brave acknowledge it and seek ways and means to combat insecurity and hope for a free secure life.

Feeling shy about a new place, person or a new event is very natural reaction and it cannot be attributed to inherent shyness. Even a boisterous over confident person senses ‘butterflies in the stomach’ sensation before embarking on anything new. Insecurity stemming out of physical attributes results in shyness and low confidence level with regards to self-image, this batters the emotional levels also to a certain degree, but insecurity which has emotional reasons as it’s trigger results in emotional problems, low self esteem, depression and the like. The second needs to be addressed with a sense of urgency. Self image needs a definite mind shift and a renewed perspective of the self.

To lead a better holistically happy life, the sooner these insecurities are gotten rid of the better for us. Let us look at a few things that can be done differently to b able to overcome insecurity, it is easier said than done, but is imperative if one is determined to make the change:

Acceptance is the first step, learn to accept and like yourself the way you are. You are your own comparison and you are your own parameter. Comparing with anyone else will be futile because no two individuals are made the same way! So how can they behave or be the same? Start by accepting who you are, appreciate yourself and then you will start seeing where improvements can be made. If the beginning itself is rejection and criticism of the self then one can only see faults and imperfections and correcting so much will be an uphill task.

Stop being judgmental and critical about yourself; it only attributes to pulling down the self esteem and seeps in more insecurity. Write one good thing about yourself every day, morning and evening. Take time to look at yourself and see the good in you and why you are special and how you can make these your strengths to overcome your weaknesses.

Every small achievement of yours must first be recognized by you and you deserve a treat for every milestone crossed. Do not listen to what others have to say about you, start listening to yourself. Strictly avoid discouraging company and friends who make you feel bad or low about yourself. Seek out new friends who can teach a few good things without putting you down or being judgmental about you.

The world is a big place and we all have people who find us worthy. It is just when we start feeling worthy about ourselves is when the other person also begins to look at you with an appreciative eye. This in itself is a morale boost and uplifts the confidence levels. Change the image you have of yourself and the world automatically looks at you the way you look at yourself.

This is just the beginning, stick to the task and you are on your way to overcoming insecurity and take on new challenges in life.

MARRIAGE – Happy despite the challenges

Sharanya Dinesh

Approved ProvenTherapist

Sharanya Dinesh - ProvenTherapist I am an ardent fan of Khalil Gibran; a poet, philosopher, visionary, saint ….I run out of eulogies when I need to describe this one person. This page is dedicated to him, in the sense I will be writing his poems and try to understand them with you all. Each of us sees the same thing with a unique individual perception. Help understand this great prophet better…

Contact Sharanya for Marriage and Relationship Counseling

He writes:

Aye, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God. But, let there be spaces in togetherness.
Love one another but make not a bond of love
Let your love be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf. Sing and dance together and be joyous,
But let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.
Give your heart but not into each other’s keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
Stand together yet not too near together.
For the pillars of the temple stand apart, and the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.

Beautiful, is it not? A few lines to aptly describe the way a couple can live together happily! A marriage is not about merging with each other! How can two different people merge? It would mean a loss of identity for the partner who is making all the changes or accommodating more. This only results in bitterness and shows its ugly face at the most unexpected stage of married life.

Can an oak tree and the cypress tree be called oak tree? We need to walk hand in hand towards the same goal. Like the train tracks, each one independent yet dependent and very imperative for the smooth running of the train. The train carries so many people every day to their respective destinations and achieves its own milestones because of these two tracks on which it confidently chugs away. When the tracks need to meet and change the direction of the train they do meet and again mutually stay together at a little distance.

Couples too need to retain their individuality, take decisions together and let life stay on course with the partners holding hands and walking in forward n the same direction. Give your love to your spouse but safe guard your heart. That is for the creator! We humans forget this truth. We shower everything on each other. And breathe down each other’s neck! Too much proximity brings in claustrophobia. We are meant for each other and God brought us together for some purpose. Our individual goals and our destiny together are as designed by God. We forget the creator, the purpose of our lives and ourselves too. We begin trying to merge; with unmet expectations end up on different shores with a sea of misunderstandings between us.

He says that we all need time to introspect, be alone and ponder about ourselves. The pillars of the temple stand apart and are home to the God inside and to the thousands of devotees praying to the Lord. The couples should support each other, help each other and learn from each other. The Oak tree and Cyprus tree do not grow in each other’s shadow.

Parental Positive Instructions

Sharanya Dinesh

Approved ProvenTherapist

Sharanya Dinesh - ProvenTherapist Every Wednesday we have our group meditation. I have been in this practice (called Sahaj Marg) for the last four years and I am still trying to meditate in the real sense of the term. I go early, prepare myself to stay calm and try and treat thoughts like unwelcome guests; this is the instruction we are given. At times I pretend to be a spectator watching a wedding procession from my doorway. I keep telling my mind,”No, don’t gallop! No, don’t wander! No! No! No!” By the time I actually am able to calm myself the one hour meditation is over and I hear the hustle bustle of the others with me! 
An hour flew by with me saying, NO! NO! NO! To my cantering mind! The reins were never in my control and the mind kept saying, ”Neigh! Neigh! Neigh” In reply. It is absolutely disheartening, believe me. I am facing this situation everyday or at least 3-4 times a week definitely where all I do is tell my racing mind not behave as if Michael Schumacher is racing for his last trophy!This Wednesday also I was gallantly bracing myself when out of the blue a sense of calm prevailed over me. I was happy that the horses had decided to take rest and I would be peacefully at peace for the first time in four years. A sudden racket in the passageway jarred me out of my reverie! A mother shrieking, “No!, No!, Abhishek! You should not hit your elder sister!It is not correct! No! No!” I could hear the child guffawing, his shoes making the thumping sound and the didi (elder sister) crying out equally loud, “Ma, Ma See!, NO!!”

It was an eye opener for me! Every word I heard was underlined with no, no and no. The key instruction as to what the child should do was missing. It was a sequence of don’t do this; don’t do that and that and that too! The child did hit the sister and the mother shouted at her best pitch and volume, very callously oblivious to the vicinity, “Did I not say don’t do it! You should not hit your elder sister! How many times do I have to tell you? Why did you hit her? Tell me? Right now!”

I thought, “Hullo!, then tell the child what to do! If hitting is wrong why say it at all! Say what he/she is supposed to do, is it not simpler? Give the next instruction please, and do it soon, before I am forced to come out and speak my mind! ” It is like psyching the child, who is about to appear for an exam with, “Don’t you dare fail dear! Don’t you dare fail?” We are already pushing the child towards doomsday! Where is the need to introduce that word? It is better said, ‘Do well baby. All the best’ and the child is more confident. We send them to the battle field with a sense of failure and they come back with exactly that. Then we pile on to the child with,” failing was not an option! Did I not warn you beforehand itself! You never listen to me, you never sit and study and an endless stream of epithets ensue.” A string of ‘NO’ again! A mother warns her daughter who is about to go for her first party, “Don’t return after 9!” In case the poor girl is delayed, then? Should she run away? Never return home because the mother said so?

In a nut nutshell all I wish to say is, please give positive instruction or nothing at all. We simply confuse the child, the way I confuse my mind’s horses, asking them not to run. All I need to is, ‘Mind, stay, rest, sleep. I need to meditate and I wish to meditate, so please rest.’ And you parents tell your children what they should do! Instead of repeating what they should not do! Good luck to all of us.